Transsexual & Gender Related QA’s
Here are a few general QA’s on transsexual and gender related issues. Keep in mind that these are my answers as someone who is going through it. Call this a bias opinion or unique insight, either way this is how I see the issues at hand.
More may be added in the future. If you have a question, leave it in the comments.
Questions
- Why would a boy want to be a girl… or vise versa?
- Is there a link between gender identity and sexual orientation?
- Do you change when you take hormones?
- What is your reaction to questions about your bits?
Answers
1. Why would a boy want to be a girl… or vise versa?
Well in my case it isn’t about wanting to be anything. I am now and have always been a girl. What I want is to be happy with myself and live my life. Now I know this sounds like it dodges the question but that’s the honest answer from someone going through it.
Now on a medical basis it may be a bit more complex. The answers to this question are not fully understood. There are many factors as well. In America, we live in a culture that has two distinct gender roles. On the outside, these gender roles seem directly tied to biological sex and most people fall nicely into this system but what about those that don’t? We see people everyday that blur these lines. Tom boys, male nurses… But what about people who cross the line. Is there even a difference between blurring the line and crossing it?
Ok so what is the difference between a boy that acts girly and a boy that “thinks” he is a girl?
First, ask yourself if there really is a line, or does gender fall on a sliding scale? Second, try not to look at it as “…think he is a girl”. Do you think you are your gender? If anyone told you otherwise would you argue? What would your argument be? What ever it is it simply boils down to. you just know. Reasons can be given for all explanations, and no I do not want to get into the long list of intersex conditions to prove that you can be male with a vagina or a girl with a penis.
So here is where I dip out and say I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, or a sociologist. There is a great deal of information on the internet about gender identity and transsexualism; however, I encourage you to be open minded. Ask others going through it how they feel. It is easy for the majority of people who do not have these conflicts to look for a cause (thus qualifying it as a disorder) or label it as weird, deviant, or worse. This isn’t to say I don’t think something is wrong… Hell, I have a male body, I’d say that is quite the mix up; however, I would suggest focusing on the person and how they are coping with things, not on trying to find a reason for it.
2. Is there a link between gender identity and sexual orientation?
Using myself as a reference I would have to say no. I am happily married to a woman and love her very much. I also know that I am not attracted to men. Again, lots of research done on both sides of this debate, just try to sort through assumptions and fact.
One bit of information I received from a friend was this: In a survey she did, she found that in her participants most FtM’s figure out their sexuality before transition, while most MtF’s figure it out while or after transitioning. This does not tie sexuality to gender identity as the reasons given where sociological in nature. Males typically are raised not to question their sexuality, so experimenting with their sexuality may be more likely to arise after or during transition when this cultural repression is lifted. As for FtM’s, as females they may resent being treated as a women by their male partners thus placing their sexuality into question earlier.
With that said, most research says that people experience gender identity and sexual orientation as two distinct facets of their personality. Rarely does one’s sexual preference change after transitioning. The exception being if questions about ones sexuality existed beforehand, they may be more comfortable experimenting while transitioning.
Do you change when you take hormones?
This is something I know I asked before I started taking hormones. I was concerned, as was my wife, that my personality would change. Yeah obviously my physical body would change but that is not what I was concerned with. Would I turn into a different person, this kinda goes with the previous question. Will the transition person suddenly change their sexual preference (not likely). As for me, did I change after taking hormones? The answer is yes and no.
First, what didn’t change? Well mostly I simply haven’t had any dramatic changes in my personality. I still like baseball, music, and being outdoors. I’m a goofball and love doing the same things I always loved doing. I like the same movies, eat the same food (except now I like onions… weird). I just feel better about myself.
So, what did change? Well I am much happier now. I am not angry at the world. I see things very differently and experience my emotions more clearly. That is the biggest thing for me. I am able to feel.
What is your reaction to questions about your bits?
“What are you gonna do with you stuff?”, “Are you gonna get it cut off?”, “How far are you going to go?” Well the simple answeris, Do I ask you about your genitalia? Really does it matter?
I would have to say that this kinda sounds silly and even like an innocent question; however, does being transgender automatically suspend your right to privacy? You wouldn’t ask family or friends and certainly not a man or woman off the street about their sexual organs, why do you ask me? Does my response validate my commitment to my transition? What are you looking for?
How about this one:
“When they grow, I get to touch them”
Ummm no you don’t. Can I touch your penis or vagina? How about a nice squeeze on them breasts? Didn’t think so… You can’t squeeze mine either.
Please, you will read in a million places not to ask these types of questions and there is a million reasons why. Just don’t ask. It is inappropriate and disrespectful.
