Electrolysis Sucks

Yes it hurts!
Yes it takes a long time!
…and YES I volunteered for it!

There I am laying on the table while my very nice (and sadistic) electrolysis technician is poking and pulling the little hairs from my face, all the while I am trying to distract myself by pointing out animal shapes in the ceiling tiles.

It has been a while now and I thought I’d found all the kittens, chipmunks, and smiley faces I could but I did manage to find a new one yesterday. This one was a cute Disney-like bunny and so what if I got excited! Not like there is anything else to do… Now if only she would change that fake seashore mood music CD she has had playing for six months now things really might pick up in pace right… but that may be to much to ask for.

It isn’t like I haven’t tried other things. I have some cream that is supposed to numb the pain. That works for like 10 minutes. And what is up with it only numbing the damn places that don’t hurt to get done anyway. I’ve also tried taking benadryl to get sleepy and relax… yeah that just made me tired, which made me annoyed cause I couldn’t fall asleep with the damn devil woman POKING ME IN THE FACE!!!! (No seriously, Bertie, that’s her name, is great. She isn’t the devil, but sometimes she does chuckle when I express my pain.)

Other things that I have tried:

• Breathing exercises… this actually works
• Counting… not so much
• Talking the time away. Fine as long as we aren’t working on the lip.
• Trying to scoot away, not very effective.

Some good news is that after all these months my hair does seem to be growing back slower and thinner! Turns out this is working, you just need to keep at it.

All in all though I can say is that with everything that is going on, and all that I am experiencing and learning about myself, I just wish this part would be done. I can live with the slow development of my soon to be female body and skin, I can live with my friends reminding me that I’m not exactly acting ladylike (hey 31 years of male grooming just doesn’t go away cause you want it to!), I can even deal with the ill fitting clothes and wigs… but the moment I look in the mirror and see any sense of shadow I am reminded of everything I am fighting against! The one thing that keeps me going is that I know it will be worth all the pain when I am done.

Well, I know it has to be done, and I know every time it is going to hurt… all I can do is hope that maybe next time I go in I’ll get to hear a different CD or even, if I’m lucky, find some more friends up on the very, very familiar ceiling.